Sausage and Bacon – Round 5 (the hidden post!)

Round 4’s win was based on the combination of ‘surprise and baking’.  For what could be the final round I was ready to unleash a new component into the mix – ‘volume’.

THE PLAN… Once I’d secured the victory in Round – 4 I instantly started planning Round – 5.  It was time to take it up and notch and arrive all gun’s blazing.  It was time to call in a favour – the phone call…

THE TRUMP CARD… Jon Moore – Henllan Bread.

I said ‘Hello Jon how you doing?’
Jon said ‘Hi Joe, more to the point, how are you?’
Small talk continued…
I said ‘Jon, I need some help’
He said ‘go on’
I said ‘As you know tomorrow is a massive day for sausage and bacon – I need a victory just to clinch some kind of result’
He said ‘too true, she’s played a very good game, what can I do to help’
I said ‘I need cakes’
He said ‘how many?’
I said ’40 cakes’
He said ‘No problem’
I said ‘I don’t expect them for free’
He said ‘well we have a problem, because I couldn’t possibly take any money off you’

I thought “Although I kind of knew he wouldn’t take any money, what a gent.  Not sure what I’ll have to do in return, but when the call comes my way I’ll be ready to jump on board”.


Jon said ‘Hi Joe, I‘ve been having a think’
I said ‘Ok?’
He said ‘How about we pipe up some individual cakes with a message for each of the maternity units’
I said ‘Jon your amazing, are you sure that’s ok’
He said ‘I wouldn’t offer if it wasn’t

THE MORNING… I arrived at Henllan bread HQ to pick up the extensive armoury.  It looked absolutely superb – victory was imminent, she wouldn’t know what hit her.  In preparation, the previous day, I had ‘set Sara up’ with a chat about our favourite cakes to pass the time.  So Jon had prepared a separate box with a lemon cake and carrot cake just for Sara.

THE HOSPITAL… Now it was just about timings.  I didn’t want to walk in with all the cakes, but also I couldn’t leave them in the car too long – it was a hot day and the last thing I needed was melted icing.

THE SECOND PLAN… Walk in with just Sara’s cakes and present them to her.  She would remember the chat we had yesterday and think “ahh very sneaky Joe, I see what you were doing – my favourite cakes, thanks”.
The ‘second tier’ of the plan would then come into play…


I said ‘good morning how was your breakfast?’
She said ‘weetabix and toast’
I said ‘you still hungry?’
She said ‘A little’
I said ‘I’ve got something for you’
I presented the cakes…
She said ‘ahhh lovely, lemon and carrot – my favourites.  I won’t manage them all, do you want to share?’

I thought “bish, bash, bosh… too easy.  I’d snaffled a toffee cake on the way in, so was sufficiently full.  But there’s always room for a little more!”

I said ‘I’ll start taking some of your stuff to the car.  I’ve bought something little for the nurses I’ll bring it in’
She said ‘that’s nice Joe.’

I thought “she is going to fall off her stool when she see’s what I’ve got – brilliant!”

THE SECOND TIER…  I gathered all the cakes together – 3 piped 10 portion cakes, 30 individual cakes and 36 hot-cross buns – and made my way to the maternity unit.  This was one tray I wasn’t going to drop and with a bit of help I negotiated the stair well and doors and arrived inside.

Sara and I spent the next 30 minutes distributing the cakes amongst the Delivery, SCBU and Post-Natal wards.  They all complained that they were on diets, but as soon as our backs were turned I could hear the rustling of cake wrapping.  It was a very small gesture compared to the care we have received and a lovely way to spend our last hour.

THE RESULT… In what was to be the last round of Sausage and Bacon a victory was paramount for me.  I believe that the day couldn’t have gone better, so the scores finished Sara 2-2 Joe.  However, the lengths I had to go to just get a draw against someone who didn’t even know they were playing, were vast.  I don’t think I would have been able to cope with another round.
I’d liken it to Arsenal’s unbeaten squad of 2004 playing Llanfair summer league side in Highbury.  Going down 2-0, and clawing back a draw in the dying seconds of injury time.  Not a result to be proud of, but a result.

SYNOPSIS… Therefore I synonymise that women are a species not to be understood.  You have to be at the top of your game, throughout, just to gain any kind of result.  But ultimately we couldn’t live with out them; I, especially, am exceedingly thankful for the fighting spirit and will to win that my woman has… regardless of whether she knows she is playing or not.

Copyright Blood 4 Bella 2012